11 months

What an amazing journey it has been so far. I've been able to provide not only for my son but also for my nephew. Before my kiddo was born, I had no idea if I was even going to be able to produce. My mom couldn't and my sister-in-laws had to supplement with formula. I was determined to breastfeed. It was not the easiest since I got many plugged ducts due to my milk being so fatty. But thankful for medicine to help thin my milk out so that I could be in less pain. When I had to return to work in January, I learned how to pump on a regular basis. Now that machine is one annoying thing but it helped us get through the rest of the school year. My little man definitely wanted to stop the whole bottle thing come May and we had to be creative on how he got milk when he was not with me. It's amazing how much money you can spend just trying to find the right bottle or sippy cup just so that the little man can eat. Then I started another school year where I was back to the machine on a regular basis. But, to this day little man has only had one bad cold and that is right now. I'm again so thankful that I've been able to provide for him and produce so much extra to build a freezer stash that eventually goes to my nephew. 

Now it's a process to figure out how to get this guy to eat solids. He has no problem downing a squeeze packet of puréed food. I mean it just takes seconds for him to inhale a 3.5-4 oz packet. But give him something we are eating and that is a hit or miss. It will come in due time, I realize this. In the meantime, I'll enjoy his silly self. 

When too much is too much

Every morning, I get up, feed Theo, eat breakfast, and get going with my day. I rush rush rush all day long. Then, go to bed to get rest only to start the next day with the same routine. 

Obviously I'm really struggling right now with this whole balancing who I am. 

Let's see, my roles are: wife, mom, and teacher. But each role I feel like has a million responsibilities and there is just not enough time to get it all done. So I make decisions to drop a few things but they eventually catch up with me and then I become this emotional mess. 

That is me currently. It's Thursday morning, hubby just left and Little man is just waking up. I don't who I am at the moment. Wait, I do! Someone who just told her husband she hates who she is. Why? Because I can only be positive for so long. One negative thing, no matter how small or big it is, just messes me up. 

What did I just do? Logout of all social media for the day so that I can regroup myself. I mean, I was suppose to hang out with a wonderful lady that helped deliver little man and instead I'm sitting here at the dinner table crying and hearing little man say "da" over and over again. 

Mission today: allow my Heavenly Father to heal me from this negativity so that when my hubby comes home I can be a better supportive wife and be a leader to our life group this evening. 

Job Sharing

So this week begins the journey of job sharing. Plus side, I get to be home with little man 2 more days of the week than before. 

Down side, lots of preparation this week. I am still very nervous of how this looks but I know that God will provide answers as I go about the next few weeks. I am sad to see that summer is gone though. I have enjoyed the time at home a little too much probably. Therefore, I have been a little more emotional the last few days knowing I have to say goodbye to little man after his morning nursing and not see him again until 4 or 430 in the afternoon all this week.

To yet another school year... (Beginning my 7th full year)

I finally wrote the letter...

...to resign from my current teaching position. Such mixed emotions I have about it. The best part about it is that I know I'll get more time with this little guy:

My Mama heart is full knowing that I'll get to be a part of his life more. God will carry us through financially and I will still remain in the classroom by being a substitute teacher. Unless God provides something else for me. 

I am so thankful for our little family. 

Now to finishing the school year strongly, hubby transitioning to his new position, and I transitioning more into a stay at home Mama. 

I want to be a stay at home Mama...

... Every day as the end of the school year comes closer (May 22nd), I am closer on wanting to just say I am not returning next year. I'm really trying to pray through what the best decision would be for the one more year that we are here in America. My heart continues to break on the weekends when I only have two days with the little man and I always have a million other things to do, including spend time with my hubby. I feel that weekdays are tough because I'm gone all day and get only a few hours with little man and then when he is in bed, even less time with my hubby before I need to get to sleep so I'm rested for the next day... Why can't this decision be so easily made?

Easter Weekend

So it's been awhile since I've blogged and it's probably because I've been busy looking at Pinterest for some project. (Extend the pavers to make a larger patio, build a baby gate, challboard/magnetize a wall for little man) I have a few things I want to do but need the money or more time to do it. *sigh* I wish that I could just stop working, we have all the money in the world, and life would be easier...ha, yeah right, like that is going to happen. 

For the past weeks I've realized that I haven't been spending time with my Heavenly Father. Why is that? I've let my life just keep busy and probably the fact that the AZMERIT is controlling my work life. In three weeks, I can return to normal teaching and think of May 22, the last day of this school year. What a great weekend to realize that I need more quiet time with my Heavenly Father. 

It is 5:15am and I'm once again sitting in little man's room typing away and listening to his talk. It just melts my heart away. Even if yesterday he hardly napped and didn't allow me to have lunch with Monica and her daughter. But he did do this:

He has discovered his feet and rolled over in his crib. 

Why must time go by so quickly?!?!

Look what my garden has produced!! I was very excited for this and now I just need to include it in a meal somehow. 

Bottle Troubles

Who knew that me being home a week and Little Man not needing a bottle would be a problem? Dustin gave him a bottle now two nights in a row and it has been a nightmare!! He use to not be a picky baby with what bottle he got but we have tried the Avent with a size 3 nipple AND the Medula and no luck. This morning I'll go to Babies R Us and they have a coupon for a Dr. Brown bottle and we will try that one. This is such a weird experience for us and we are trusting God for patience with this. Little Man has become so much more active this week and one of the things is being able to chew better on stuff. I mean he coordinated his two hands to get his little elephant into his mouth to chew on an ear or a foot while we were at the cabin. Also, he is trying really hard to roll from his back to his tummy. It's impressive how well he can arch his back. Baby yoga for sure. The kicks he does when he is on his play may is quite impressive as well. This little guy is ready to be on the move for sure!