Joy

I decided back in early December that I wanted to focus on things that bring joy into my life this next year and what timing in my decision. These two weeks really have tested me. Between being sick and having a hubby at 2 winter camps on back to back weekends is just not a good combination. I am reminded that I have this little one to keep me busy:

As much I liked the time with him, I sure miss the big man. I miss that I am not part of his memories that he is making with the students. More so this weekend with the high schoolers. Probably had something to do with the fact that I ran a half marathon this morning

 (the first since having little man) and had partial communication with the man that I love. At least I had an awesome friend who kept me motivated along the way and a few people texting me while I ran.  

But back to focusing on joy. I did scrapbook this evening and was reminded how fun winter break was and all the memories we made there. Now to just figure out ways to extend that joy I felt then into a weekly routine...God will carry me through this, I know He will. Especially with all that entails with our move to Slovakia. 

November December 2015 Scrapbook

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11 months

What an amazing journey it has been so far. I've been able to provide not only for my son but also for my nephew. Before my kiddo was born, I had no idea if I was even going to be able to produce. My mom couldn't and my sister-in-laws had to supplement with formula. I was determined to breastfeed. It was not the easiest since I got many plugged ducts due to my milk being so fatty. But thankful for medicine to help thin my milk out so that I could be in less pain. When I had to return to work in January, I learned how to pump on a regular basis. Now that machine is one annoying thing but it helped us get through the rest of the school year. My little man definitely wanted to stop the whole bottle thing come May and we had to be creative on how he got milk when he was not with me. It's amazing how much money you can spend just trying to find the right bottle or sippy cup just so that the little man can eat. Then I started another school year where I was back to the machine on a regular basis. But, to this day little man has only had one bad cold and that is right now. I'm again so thankful that I've been able to provide for him and produce so much extra to build a freezer stash that eventually goes to my nephew. 

Now it's a process to figure out how to get this guy to eat solids. He has no problem downing a squeeze packet of puréed food. I mean it just takes seconds for him to inhale a 3.5-4 oz packet. But give him something we are eating and that is a hit or miss. It will come in due time, I realize this. In the meantime, I'll enjoy his silly self. 

When too much is too much

Every morning, I get up, feed Theo, eat breakfast, and get going with my day. I rush rush rush all day long. Then, go to bed to get rest only to start the next day with the same routine. 

Obviously I'm really struggling right now with this whole balancing who I am. 

Let's see, my roles are: wife, mom, and teacher. But each role I feel like has a million responsibilities and there is just not enough time to get it all done. So I make decisions to drop a few things but they eventually catch up with me and then I become this emotional mess. 

That is me currently. It's Thursday morning, hubby just left and Little man is just waking up. I don't who I am at the moment. Wait, I do! Someone who just told her husband she hates who she is. Why? Because I can only be positive for so long. One negative thing, no matter how small or big it is, just messes me up. 

What did I just do? Logout of all social media for the day so that I can regroup myself. I mean, I was suppose to hang out with a wonderful lady that helped deliver little man and instead I'm sitting here at the dinner table crying and hearing little man say "da" over and over again. 

Mission today: allow my Heavenly Father to heal me from this negativity so that when my hubby comes home I can be a better supportive wife and be a leader to our life group this evening. 

Job Sharing

So this week begins the journey of job sharing. Plus side, I get to be home with little man 2 more days of the week than before. 

Down side, lots of preparation this week. I am still very nervous of how this looks but I know that God will provide answers as I go about the next few weeks. I am sad to see that summer is gone though. I have enjoyed the time at home a little too much probably. Therefore, I have been a little more emotional the last few days knowing I have to say goodbye to little man after his morning nursing and not see him again until 4 or 430 in the afternoon all this week.

To yet another school year... (Beginning my 7th full year)

I finally wrote the letter...

...to resign from my current teaching position. Such mixed emotions I have about it. The best part about it is that I know I'll get more time with this little guy:

My Mama heart is full knowing that I'll get to be a part of his life more. God will carry us through financially and I will still remain in the classroom by being a substitute teacher. Unless God provides something else for me. 

I am so thankful for our little family. 

Now to finishing the school year strongly, hubby transitioning to his new position, and I transitioning more into a stay at home Mama. 

I want to be a stay at home Mama...

... Every day as the end of the school year comes closer (May 22nd), I am closer on wanting to just say I am not returning next year. I'm really trying to pray through what the best decision would be for the one more year that we are here in America. My heart continues to break on the weekends when I only have two days with the little man and I always have a million other things to do, including spend time with my hubby. I feel that weekdays are tough because I'm gone all day and get only a few hours with little man and then when he is in bed, even less time with my hubby before I need to get to sleep so I'm rested for the next day... Why can't this decision be so easily made?